Why I have a dog but no wife

  • The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
  • Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
  • Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
  • A dog’s parents never visit.
  • Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  • Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
  • Dogs like to go walking.
  • A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
  • If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
  • A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
  • If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
  • If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

And, most important:

I actually love my dog.